Friday, September 5, 2008

Oh shit**. My car got broken into, but they didnt steal shit

About 6 weeks ago, i am walking downtown and come across a pile of broken car window glass. What would a normal human think? nothing most likely. Oh sucks for that guy. But what does Will think? Let me tell you...

I run into a store and ask for a plastic back. I go back to the glass, and scoop all of it up into the bag. I put this bag in the trunk of my car, where it sits for 6 weeks... waiting for the perfect target at the perfect time. 

So, last week, the dude from our competition got rear ended. nothing major, but his car was in the shop getting painted. 

So, home boy was driving his girlfriends car. 


I get Runner in on this. We notice the guy going into a meeting with our boss. I run into his office, and find his car keys. Runner is taking photo documentation of this entire deal. 

I get the keys, grab the glass, and head to the car, which is perfectly parked outside Runners window. I turn car on, and roll down the passenger side window. I spread the broken glass along the window, sill, and the dump the pile below the window, where the glass would naturally fall. I run back inside, put keys back in, hop back at desk. Business as normal. 

Lunch rolls around. 

Home boy gets keys, and walks outside. At this point, a few other friends at work (cool dudes, will talk about later) have piled into Runners cube watching this as it unfolds. He falls for it hook line and sinker. He is pacing around his car face bright red, Runner snapping pictures away, Office watching rolling on the floor. Homey starts walking back into office. Again, we dart to desks, business as usual. He comes in "my car window is smashed and they didn't steal anything. what the fuck"

Runner gets camera, begins showing him photos from "a playboy party to cheer him up" . They are a montage of his car, him finding car, him searching car, him red in face. He is so flustered, he is confused. I go "Hey Cron, roll up the window. Its not broken."

Entire office start DIEING. Him included. I am on the floor laughing, he is hyperventilating because it is so funny. He cleans up car, and marks it as the greatest work prank ever. 

Where is Autumn? No joke, in her cube, not acknowledging any of this, and when I sit back at my cube, all i hear is a "ughhhhhhh. Godddddddddddd"

Ugggghh, Shhhh. Goddddddddddddd

I cant remember if i talked about Autumn. No, not the season, the annoying middle aged women who sits in cube behind me. Well, here comes a rant. 

Autumn is a bad person. Autumn is a mean person. Autumn is a greedy person. These are all extremely harsh, I know, but it sadly is the only way to describer her. Day in and day out, she is yelling and condescending people both in our office, and on the phone. She is the type of person that when gets rear ended by someone in a parking lot, and there is zero car damage, she sues the poor young girl because "her neck and back are just so messed up she cant work out anymore'. (this happened, and trust me, this chick never works out.)

The other day I literally had bee working so much to get these proposals out, that on the friday around lunch time, i took a trip to Slacker Town USA. I went to You Tube, and I came across the funniest fucking videos i have ever seen. ( is the greatest website for a rather educational (not) laugh). I am literally sitting in my cube, while Runner is in his watching same videos, laughing out loud. At one point, I am crying, leaning back in my chair while all in the office come watch the snow driving in Portland. The entire time this is going on, she is in her cube (not quietly or even under her breath) saying "ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh" and "pshhhhhhhhhhhh" and "goooooooooood" as if she is so much better than me, and SOOOO much busier than me. In reality, I am busier than her, and hitting more clients than her. Yet, she is "a Senior AE" which means jac shit to me really, she thinks she owns the place.

When a person is constantly condescending, mean, and overall just nasty to people, i really cant stand it. I cant look this women in the eye, it is that bad. She thinks me and Runner and SO below her, yet we are working at the same place, with the same title, and I have the same accounts and quotas.

Deep down, I know this women must not be happy in life. I feel bad for that, to a certain degree, until this unhappiness in her lifes decisions and career moves invades and hurts other people. 

If you guys ad heard her ream this poor little insurance adjuster, who literally was just a data entry guy, had no power over her claims, you would know then and there what line she falls on the humanity spectrum. 

I'm back...

So much has happened in this hiatus, I dont even know where to begin. In short, I got a promotion and raise, and have been working like a mad man ever since. I am really trying to close these new deals, and new ideas, and new TV shows because, sadly, it will make me some solid cash money if I do. That isnt my only motivation. If i get some of my own initiatives, and clients, and ideas on the air, I will really have something to put on my resume which is worth more than any commission check. 

not much has changed. 3 new guys were hired. One is a typical saleman. He is full of shit, cant sit still, and every, and i mean EVERY sentence that comes out of his mouth has a sales pitch attached to it. Whether he is trying to sell you on taking a cookie he brought in, or that "he has the deal of a lifetime for you Auto Guy, better sit down", he annoys this shit out of me. He is about 50 years old. 

Dude number two is a Latin mo fo. He is about 50-55 and I too am not a fan of his. he is harmless, means nothing in his actions, but brings nothing to the personality table. I think he thought he was going to make a shit load of money here. newsflash, its TV station. 

Dude number 3 comes from our competition. He is really nice, down to earth, and is a no bullshit human being. i respect him, i like him, and I think he will soon be my future Boss, just under Chaz. 

Chaz, by the way, and I have become best buds. Keep you enemies closer, right?